Bull sh!t bingo thread

[Hornet]

One of my 'Team Leaders' talked about our 'Fluid Approach' towards the Client, and the 'Negative Perception' that this 'Engendered' in them.
My translation on that was, 'my workmate tells me that we are constantly late with our Drawing Package Issue, and the Company who are getting them are throwing a wobbly, and wondering what the f@@k we are up to!'

[Mackman15]

Value engineering!

What has value engineering got to do with lap dancing?

Sometimes you have to engineer your own value!

Is one to assume that you would do that offline?

[neilinboston]

i work for a client where the corporate culture (see what i did there?)seems to involve constant innuendo and hugging...would get you fired at my last client.

i find the people most guilty are entry level guys trying to sound impressive. or those with insecurities. i have a competitor who spends so much time trying to make me understand how great he is that he gives me loads on info i can leverage against him and his company when we're going after new contracts.i especially like when he tells me about sales he's about to land when i have a contract signed already that I've won by undercutting his bid because he told me the budget he was proposing.

[sheepshagger]

Low hanging fruit

That's in X's space (meaning he/she look after that area of the business or example)

Also (and this is not a buzz word) but people who reply back or revert back.. WTF? As opposed to replying forward or reverting sideways?

[Danthefan]

I'm a field based engineer, I've barely spent a day in our head office. We got sent out an email the other day about plans for the next year or two and I honestly could not understand a large chunk of it, such was the management speak. I understood all the words individually but when you put them altogether in sentences it was complete gibberish to me.

[Mackman15]

'We need to sprinkle our own dust on this and get it out of the generic, yeah, these Cashflows really need to be sensitised for the rest of '13'

What, or should I say what the f%~k are you talking about man.
This is an excel sheet with proposed money in, money out. At the end of the month lets put in the actual figures.

Right, lets do that and save all the other b*%&!x.

[RoboProp]

Heard this one today...corporate barometer...what a load of w@nk

[sid]

"Hope we can still be friends"

[IanD]

(As mentioned) Low Hanging Fruit is a bug bear of mine. Another is Dont Throw Out The Baby With The Bathwater.

I was at a meeting full of marketing types when a younger member of staff said,

''Dont throw the low hanging fruit with the bathwater.''

Worst past is none of the marketing guys coped it for a few seconds. They rest of us were in a heap laughing at the back of the room.

[the spoofer]

Empowerment. end of f%~king story.

[CiaranIrl]

I hate the use of 'ask' or 'asks' when people mean request. As in, "what are your asks for this?", as if it is a noun instead of a verb. What the f%~k is wrong with the word request? I even hear people to say, "to make an ask" when they mean "to ask".

[cormac]

Guesstimate is one word that makes me want to punch people. In the face. Repeatedly.

[Logorrhea]

Guesstimate

I like that one myself. You know you are talking complete and utter shite when that one comes out.

[Dexter]

Being asked to "construct a straw man"... as in "we need to construct a straw man set of numbers in consultation with the business heads"...

This is a new one for me.

[TheBear]

Being asked to "construct a straw man"... as in "we need to construct a straw man set of numbers in consultation with the business heads"...

This is a new one for me.

Does the person who said it know what a straw man is?

[Donny B.]

How has no one mentioned "corporate knowledge" yet?

[Dexter]

Being asked to "construct a straw man"... as in "we need to construct a straw man set of numbers in consultation with the business heads"...

This is a new one for me.

Does the person who said it know what a straw man is?

If they do, then they don't know how to explain it in normal language. I wonder do most of the BS Bingo speakers know what they are saying?

[Dexter]

doubler

[ronk]

Being asked to "construct a straw man"... as in "we need to construct a straw man set of numbers in consultation with the business heads"...

This is a new one for me.

Does the person who said it know what a straw man is?

If they do, then they don't know how to explain it in normal language. I wonder do most of the BS Bingo speakers know what they are saying?

Maybe they don't want to say it in normal language because it's more palatable for some to use euphemisms. In that context "fraudulent" would parse, who'd use it though.

[sid]

doubler

That's not a very bullshitty word; I use it all the time.